Baldur, F (Semi-Realism)

[Rory]

Species: 50% Grey Wolf 50% Red Wolf
Gender: Female
*Sexuality: Heterosexual
Name: Baldur
Age: 4 years old
Birth Month: March
Birth Place: The Marshlands
Pack and Rank: Loner
Current Thread(s):

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Height: 30 inches
Weight: 105 pounds
Build: Baldur retains the height of her Grey Wolf ancestry, but she has a slender build, and her ears are somewhat overlarge. Her limbs taper to large feet that are perfect for snow travel.
Eye Color: Green
Hair/Fur/Feather Color(s): She is a lighter colored wolf with a dark brown splashed across her nape, shoulders, back, and haunches. There is a darker spackling across the shoulders. Baldur has off white socks and a pale underbelly. Her neck is also an off white while Baldur’s face is light with a brown nose stripe; her eyes are rimmed with a sandy brown.
Fur Texture/Length: The fur is a thick, luxurious, and healthy. It consists of a top layer of rough guard layers and a second layer of fluffy insulating undercoat that keeps Baldur warm.
Accessories: N/A
*Over-all Description: Bal is a lightly built female with large paws. It gives her something of a gawky adolescent look that belies her maturity. She is set up perfectly for taking long leaps and powerful bounds that take her wherever she wishes to go with the least amount of effort. Her fur color transitions from a darker brown and grows lighter down to her paws. Baldur has two scars running parallel up her left foreleg from an unfortunate run in with a testosterone pumped buck when she was younger. She has a high forehead and tapering muzzle that gives her an elegant appearance in the face. To Baldur's dismay, she was born without the ability to have pups.

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Over-All Personality: Baldur is a stable and self confident individual; when under stress this is the female that you want at your back. She has a strategic mind that relishes solving problems and is always working to solve problems to keep herself entertained. Her personality is typically laid back. To push Baldur’s buttons you have to have pestered her to the boiling or caught her at a very bad time. Under her outer exterior Baldur is serene and unshakable, underneath lies an inner turmoil that stems from the fact that she is unable to have pups. Inside her calculating mind she has a mothering drive that is extremely powerful, but she cannot find a way to spend it. One of her joys in live is being around the young and teaching them what she knows. Because she has never been able to nurture a brood of her own she channels her energy into hunting and speculating her prey’s movements; anything to keep the thoughts of what she can never have away. Sometimes she might appear mechanical in her interactions with others to disguise underlying emotions. To her, the hunting is not just a way to survive; it is a way to live. Lacking a proper outlet for emotions, she instead finds ways to exercise her intellect. For a wolf, she is something of an odd duck. Baldur is rarely motivated to give into her instincts and restraint is her middle name. To friends she is there for guidance and advice. She watches the backs of pack mates and will wreak cold retribution on enemies of her family and friends due to her protective nature. It was a cruel trick of fate that a mothering soul would be trapped in a body that could never give life.

Despite what problems she has personally Bal is able to separate her own emotions from the needs of the pack. This is detrimental to her personal state of mind because she keeps her own worries bottled up in a small dark place. Sometimes it can swell with bad feelings when she sees a mother and pups playing together. At one point she had a mate. When they tried to conceive they realized that Baldur was unable to have pups. Baldur had had deep feelings for the male that would have been the father of her offspring. It was a devastating blow when he turned tail to seek out a female who could bear his progeny. To an extent she has issues with bonding closely with other wolves over personal matters. In matters of the mind Baldur will know what to do and can give shine light on the most logical path. In matters of emotion she is not the best one to go to and is often personally confused by such things. It is easier to keep others at arm’s length and worry about keeping them alive than it is to build a relationship with them. When something goes wrong on a hunt, Baldur will blame herself whether it was her fault or not. In her mind it is always a problem with the plan, and she is the one responsible. She is a female that likes to hold all the cards and know what the other wolf is going to do. It puts her out of her comfort zone to not have full control of her immediate future.
Personality Quirks: Becomes protective around young wolves or pups, that don’t have parents in the direct vicinity. Baldur will often try to hide jealous glances at happy families.
*Fears: The pack going hungry, not being able to provide for her pack, loving another male again.
*Ambitions/Goals: Having a strong healthy pack around her.
*Likes: Hunting, strategizing, teamwork, pups, pack relaxation, howling, and border patrol.
*Dislikes: Not being able to have pups, her former mate, losing a prey item, going hungry, and being outsmarted.

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Mother: Emir
Father: Vanir
Brother(s): Freyr
Sister(s): Nikani and Loto
*Other Family Members: N/A
Friends: Ruben (a male from her old pack)
*Acquaintances: N/A
Enemies: N/A
Attraction(s): N/A
Mate/Preferred Partner: N/A

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History: Baldur was born to a Grey wolf named Vanir and Red Wolf named Emir in the Marshlands. Her parents Emir and Vanir were the Alphas. It was a peaceful pack that was powerful and healthy with pack members; the size of the pack was six wolves strong. With the birth of Baldur and her siblings the pack became even stronger and all the pups were healthy and the pack was flourishing. At the time, there weren’t many packs in Marshlands that could compete and their territory sprawled out for miles. Food was plentiful and the pups grew like weeds. Baldur quickly asserted herself over her other siblings who were quite happy to follow her lead. She was always able to find the most exciting places to explore and got them in the most trouble. Life for Baldur and her siblings was quite uneventful, and everything went well until the pups’ first winter. Snow and ice assaulted the Marshlands and the area surrounding Aurorae Lake with a ferocity that it hadn’t seen in decades. Many wolves were lost to famine. Emir and Vanir’s pack quickly diminished. It was no longer reasonable for the members not related to the Alphas to remain. Eventually there was only Emir, Vanir, and their pups left. It was a tough winter for the small family. Miraculously enough, the entire litter made it to their second spring. New members slowly began to trickle into the pack. One rogue in particular caught Baldur’s eye. He was a three year old loner who quickly proved himself to Vanir and became the Beta; his name was Talo. Baldur grew into a confident and silly young female who quickly became smitten by the smooth Grey Wolf and they courted in her second winter. Unfortunately it was Baldur’s bane that she would be barren. She did not have pups the following spring and was heartbroken when Talo left the pack in search of another potential mate. For a while Baldur was inconsolable. A dressing down by her mother mixed with some disappointment from her father brought her back to her senses. She did not stay with the pack much longer after that. Baldur left to make her own way in the world and become her own wolf. Perhaps she would never have offspring of her own but she was going to take care of those who needed it.

[Candle]

Me likey where you have this character going. I need you to fix just a few things and than I can accept you.
-Try not to repeat words in the same sentence unless there really is no other word (For instance, you say 'face' twice in one of the description lines).

-And the other thing is to loosen up a bit with your sentences. They are slightly choppy, as if being spoken by a robot. You can connects sentences with punctuation like hyphens (-), colons (, semi-colons (, and of course commas. :3

[Rory]

Sorry, I'm not quite sure what you mean like a robot. I have quite a few colons and semi-colons in there already. Hopefully the sentences are a bit less choppy. Tried to smooth them out a bit. Thankayou.

[Candle]

Okay, sorry it took so long. Classes are about to start and everything is up in the air.

Anyways, I see that you tried to fix the 'robot-talk' but I didn't really explain what I meant. Here's an example of what we don't want.

Ally is a small wolf. Her paws are too big for her, but she has a coat. It is brown and black. She has two pups. She likes to eat chickens.

And an example of what we DO want.

Ally is a rather small wolf, though her paws are too big for her. Her russet hued fur lay flat on her body as if pressed down by a nonexistent wind. The only other color on her is black, and exists at the tip of over limb as well as on her nose-tip and tail-tip.

Do you see what I mean? I want you to elongate your sentences so that they don't seem so choppy. Basically, fall in love with your character and describe her as such, not as if you were a dictionary-writer simply writing down the basics.

[Rory]

Hopefully this is what you are looking for. Typically I am disconnected from the profiles of my characters. A little less story like I suppose. Maybe that's why I suck at this so much. XD

[Candle]